Anger Management

We have new enemies lately. They go by the names of APATHY, BOREDOM and ANGER. Dave feels the apathy and boredom and I battle the anger. If anyone uses the term “New Normal” to me one more time I swear I will have to curb a stiff punch to their face! Most of the time people saying this have not had to deal like we have. WTF is NORMAL anyhow????? I have always bucked the phrase and proclaimed that normal is boring. Which brings me to BOREDOM…..

Last weekend BOREDOM presented his bland face in our home and did his darndest to undermine the good work done thus far. At this point in Dave’s recovery he is not able to read or write much more than a word here or there. His speaking skills are limited and difficult. Reading is a love he discovered just 4 years past at the time he retired from the electrical trade. To not be able to read his beloved Western novels is a big blow to him. He cannot read the newspaper as he loved to do each morning either. With these skills still needing to be sharpened he is relegated to the TV. Thank God it is football season! But of course there is only so much TV that a person can take and I see him suffering for it. This is where APATHY seeps in and he scares me more than BOREDOM!

The past 2 days I was down with the flu and not able to help engage him much. I was pretty much useless other than to drag my butt out of bed to dispense medications. This morning I felt a return of energy and had Dave give Homer (the Weiner-ator!) a bath to give him something useful to do. It went so-so (although Homer behaved as if the torture was exactly the way he remembered it). I believe Dave’s self confidence is suffering and he does not believe he can do much. He remembers how he did things before and the recovery has been difficult to the point he has said to me many times lately that he doesn’t care. I believe he says this in frustration more than that he doesn’t care…but it frightens me all the same!

Back to the speaking and language department…..this is perhaps the greatest hurdle Dave will have to face. We have to gird our loins for the fact that he may never have a regular ‘ole conversation again. “Kara the Magnificent” our speech therapist has been trying to make us understand this concept all along and I have been bull-headedly denying that he will not recover completely. We are reliant upon the notebook I call his “talking book” and the fact that I know him so completely. Some days he says things simply and well…others he forms words but nonsense comes out. This is all happening to a man who has the same high IQ as he always has had, who is still the same person inside as always and still has the same needs, wants, desires and sense of humor as before the stroke. So I am saying to y’all that like to whip out the phrase “New Normal”….what exactly is NORMAL about that?!?!?!?

You can see my battle with ANGER is still being waged……

I am open to any suggestions on how to entertain and engage Dave’s mind and person!

Adjustments

10 days have passed since Dave's return home after his stay in rehab following his stroke. We have gone through a week of outpatient therapy that feels longer but has been fruitful. During the week he had 2 speech and 2 occupational therapies. On Thursday he met with his PT and did so well the therapist deemed it unnecessary for him to continue and we will proceed doing things at home on our own. He is taking daily walks for about 15 minutes to build his endurance and balance. Soon I hope to get him into the gym for some gentle biking.

Slowly I am beginning to feel a small glimmer of normalcy returning. Dave is back in charge of some of his past chores like retrieving the mail daily and pushing out the trash and recycle bins on pickup day. I try to include him in meal making because he is a good cook and before his stroke he had taken over most of the dinners in the past couple of years. But cutting with a sharp knife will have to wait until his fine motor skills have been more finely tuned. He will be on a blood thinning medication for life and it wouldn't do at all for him to get a cut!

We are learning how to communicate using his notebook we have filled with pictures, calendars, maps, etc. and on some days he can talk rather well. Others he gets frustrated and says "never mind" when the wrong words keep coming out. His speech therapist Kara is AWESOME!! She has driving passion for what she does and tremendous compassion for her patients. I have never missed a session and Dave's sister and good friend Steve also like to come when possible. In fact next Wed. Steve will be coming and after we plan on checking out the new Dick's in Edmonds for lunch! Most likely he will be in speech therapy for a very long time.

Dave is happy to be home but needs to get out at times. I bring him along on errands and we go to get acupuncture once or twice a week. Today I sensed he felt housebound and asked if he wanted to go for a drive. He was eager to do so and we drove down to Golden Gardens in the early evening as the sun was streaming from behind billowy clouds. Beautiful!!! We are blessed with the most amazing beaches and scenery in this city!!

Sunshine can make a difference

Despite being a born 'n' raised Pacific NW'ster it is hard to get used to the "blahs" that cloudy days bring. You would think after 53 years I would be accustomed to it?!?!? Nah! But when things in life get challenging the dank days are extra tough. This morning the beams of sunshine streaming in my windows were a portent for a good day!

• First thing Dave began the day writing his name and address down with his weakened right hand. This is an exercise he is supposed to perform daily and today he even impressed himself with his handwriting!
  (I tease him as if he were a Bart Simpson-like character that he is required to write his name and address100 times on the chalkboard before I will feed him)
• He went to his first outpatient therapy session this morning (which was OT) and performed admirably....shattering his previous records for the tasks he was asked to complete. His progress physically has been wonderful!
• We both went to acupuncture after that and enjoyed a relaxing hour nap in a recliner with needles stuck in us.
• After wards we swung by the local Arby's and ordered food to go and drove down to Edmonds to park overlooking the beach and ferry terminal. YUM! YUM! We love Arby's roast beef sandwiches and curly fries. They were extra good with the beautiful scenery and warm rays beating down on us!!!
• We had a brand-spanking-new mattress delivered today....the hope is that it will help Dave sleep better at night. This has been a huge challenge since his stroke! I am secretly hoping his restless legs will slow down. Dave NEVER dances while awake....but let me tell you he can do a mean jitterbug while prone! It's like sleeping in an old time "magic fingers" bed only I needn't waste any quarters.
• I put Dave to work helping me make my famous applesauce...well noteworthy within my family and close friends. It was good OT for him to place the apples on the corer/peeler tool I have and crank away. I just now finished spicing it up with sugar, nutmeg and extra cinnamon.....MMMMMMMM!

Bittersweet Beginnings

You would think that coming home after a 19 day stay in hospital and rehab would be a joyful time. Yesterday was ROUGH! Dave came home at 10:30 in the morning and I spent the day terrified with my eyes welling up uncontrollably. I knew this journey would be an emotional roller coaster but when the downward plunge hits it is not the adrenaline rush I loved from my childhood carnival memories. Before I knew that his well being was taken care of....now the onus is on me. No matter how much I reprimanded myself or tried the stiff upper lip it all just dissolved. I know that this feeling will pass and my natural resolve will kick in. I also know this will take a ton of patience and perseverance. I suppose the "patience" part is the lesson I will be learning the most...never been my strong suit! Again I am thankful for my incredible family and the plentiful dear friends in our lives. Being responsible for a loved one 24/7 is nerve wracking but we will find our way through this one day at a time.

GOOD DAY!

Today was an all around swell day!

• Dave was cleared for independence within his room so he no longer has a bed or chair alarm screaming whenever he decides to get up without help (which he has stubbornly done from the get go)
• He is using his right hand with more and more confidence and can write his name legibly, maybe even better than his old chicken scrawl I teasingly called "Chinese".
• He can go to the bathroom in privacy
• His speech is becoming clearer with the use of his "language notebook", although I am fascinated by the gibberish that spews forth from his lips I fondly call "Davish". 
• Good buddy Steve brought Dick's burgers for lunch and Dave was in heaven!
• But best of all:  DAVE IS COMING HOME ON FRIDAY!! (if you had asked me how I felt about this 2 days ago I would have burst into tears, but I feel confident now)
  
• 2 of Dave's electrician buddies came over and put up handrails and did whatever tasks I needed done in preparation for the big day.
• I won a million bucks with a lottery ticket....just kidding....but I did find a dime on the ground!
  

The gate keepers know my car on sight with my frequent comings and goings. I am sure they will miss me and I expect Christmas cards this year from each and every one of them!

DAY 15 A.S. (After Stroke)

It is hard for me to relate the changes that have happened with Dave and his stroke. I do know that life will be divided into “Before the Stroke” and “After the Stroke”. It has had a profound impact on our lives and we will both work hard to get as close to normal as possible. What I do know is that we cannot afford to dwell on what we can no longer do….we MUST emphasize what we CAN do. 

I know it has been awhile since my last post and a few of you have contacted me worried that something was awry. Do not fret! Life has just been crazy busy and Dave is doing fine. Over the weekend I didn’t see him so much mostly because I had our grandson over for some “Granny time”. He needed me and I needed him.

I knew that Dave was in good hands and could use his free time on Sunday to watch the Seahawks play what turned out to be an impressive victory. Over the weekend he also got visits from our grandson and a few close family members and friends. I am still being all “Mama Bear Protective” of him as far as visitors goes. He gets so fatigued with all his therapy sessions and it is important that he gets plenty of rest so he can keep progressing. There will be time in the future for face to face.

That being said….he is still making improvements ~ physically much faster than speech-wise. I am amazed at what he is capable of compared to a mere week ago. I am constantly reminded of how much children grow and learn and this is similar to witness. His strength in completing tasks is good and his determination continues.

I am doing what I can to take care of myself too as so many of you have urged me to do. Last week I made it into the gym for a couple of workouts and I plan to continue this week. The thought of painting still feels remote and inaccessible. I have had lots of offers of help and things are getting accomplished. We are so very blessed!

There is talk that Dave may be released this Friday to come home. I have to be frank and say this makes me very nervous! I don’t feel prepared yet. He will need someone around 24/7 and will need to continue outpatient therapy for who knows how long. I pray that I will be whatever he needs me to be and to be strong, loving, patient and capable. A phrase that constantly slips from Dave's lips:  “It is what it is”, mine has been: “Everything is going to be okay”. I believe I am trying to convince myself of this again and again.

Solving Puzzles

At hospitals and rehab centers it seems there is always a jigsaw puzzle in progress in the public areas. I love puzzles and it never fails that I get seduced into fiddling around with them. Just tonight as I left Dave's room I almost made it out the main door....but the siren call of the puzzle sucked me in. You know they are similar to slot machines and getting one win that keeps you there. Once you get one piece fitted you can't seem to walk away and then you are hooked! This time I managed to pull myself away from it after just 4 pieces.

Dave has "Aphasia" which is a difficulty with language due to the stroke. He is working hard to learn to express himself each day but it will be a marathon that could go on the rest of his life. People with this disability are often tagged as stupid because they say the wrong things or even worse...their speech is garbled or nonsense. Aphasia does not affect the personality, intelligence, cognisance, nor the humor of the individual, just their ability to relate in words. Dave is the same ole smart ass as always!

Each day he is progressing with his right side physical strength. He is stronger and learning to control his muscle movements with more dexterity. He is walking to and from his room to the dining room at meal times with guidance. Balance is more of an issue here. He is going up and down stairs with guidance as well.

I may miss a OT or PT appt. now and then but it is during speech therapy that I make sure I am always present. I am very fascinated by this therapy...maybe cuz I love words and talking so much? At any rate I think of it as solving puzzles and unless I am really tired I don't mind so much.

With "Aphasiacs" it is important to talk slowly, simply and with eye contact. We also use a notepad to make sure what is said is correct since the opposite meaning can come out. Yes may be No and vice verse....so this is the most important skill he is learning right now: to say Yes or No with accuracy. As the days turn into weeks and then into months Dave will be seeing more and more of you and it is important to understand this. He is talking quite well most of the time but gets stuck at others.

I know I may be making this seem really complex and maybe even a bit scary...but really we have had plenty of laughs! Humor was one of the things that bonded us in the beginning and it will be the thing that gets us through this. I am so very proud of how hard he works at everything he does! His determination is remarkable and his attitude is admirable!!!

Thanks to all who have sent messages and cards of encouragement and support! A special thanks to the guys at Sequoyah Electric (where Dave retired from) for the gorgeous flower arrangement. We especially liked the big black spider on top!!

Easy Street

Today Dave was finally moved to the rehabilitation center called "Easy Street" (and what a misnomer that is!) It should be called "Kick Ass Street"...but I am quibbling.

Since he didn't get over there until after 11 he had his 3 therapies in quick succession: Speech, Occupational and Physical. He did great in all three but I have to say that I am most fascinated with the speech aspect. This will be by far the most challenging obstacle for Dave to overcome. For instance: today before I left he kept saying to me "Pain Problem" but insisted it had nothing to do with pain. After about 10 minutes of part charades, part 20 questions and plenty of writing words in his work book and eliminating possibilities I finally cracked the code!! He wanted me to bring him 2 certain books from home!

The challenge for stroke patients with "Aphasia" like Dave has is the frustration they have when they think one word but it comes out something completely different. We try to be patient with one another and laugh when we can. It does help that I have had 33 years with this lug of a guy and we can anticipate the others thoughts and desires.

As exhausted as I am at this moment....and believe me I will be sawing logs within 5 minutes of concluding this posting.....I am exhilarated as well at how far Dave is coming. He is showing incredible fortitude of character, strong determination and positive willingness to do whatever it takes! I just LOVE this man!!!

Oh yeah....and he walked 200 feet today!!!!! Won't be long and he will be leaping tall buildings in a single bound......

G'night!

Movin' Day

Today Dave was approved the transfer to the rehab facility called Easy Street...but in typical hospital fashion the wait for the doc to sign off took too long for it to happen today...so in the morn we are packing his meager belongings and going across campus. He is so ready for this!!! He woke up today, exactly one week after his stroke, saying how much better he felt and flexed his hands into fists. He is raring to get into therapy full time and kick this thing in the ass!!

I am so happy to see him like this. It gives me renewed vigor and hope. We both know it will be a long road and quite possibly may not have the perfectly happy ending....but we got each other!

Meltdown

Yesterday I had my meltdown but I made sure Dave didn't suspect a thing. I suppose it was bound to happen and it was no fun at all. Each morning all week as I drove to the hospital I would give myself pep talks. I breathe deeply, relax my facial muscles and send up prayers for strength and loving patience so I can be exactly what Dave needs me to be. Until yesterday I have felt strong and able to meet the challenges. As far as Dave knows nothing was out of the norm. When I had my moments I made sure I was far from his view. When I knew it might be out of control I gathered as much control as I could muster to tell him I was headed home for a bit to let Homer out.

Once home I did what my normal routine for grief or sorrow is......I worked. I cleaned house and then headed outside to blow leaves, sweep and put away lawn furniture for the winter. It felt good to have purpose and be able to channel my pain into something productive! Later I went back to the hospital for a couple of hours and showed Dave my game face. That night as I ate dinner and confessed to Jorel my emotional day I learned an important thing: It is really difficult to chew a salad and cry. I don't recommend it!

Hotel NW Hospital ~ email sent Saturday 10-1

“Welcome to the Hotel NW Hospital…..such a lovely place….such a lovely face…we’re livin’ it up at the Hotel NW Hospital…..”

 

It looks like Dave will be here through the weekend and “Hotel California” keeps flitting through my mind. On Thursday he was assessed by that head honcho guy I told you about and Dr. Chatilo (Russian accent and all) approved for Dave to be admitted to “Easy Street”. Now it is a matter of the insurance big wigs to give us the thumbs up. Being a weekend we reckon it will be Monday for the big moving date.

 

Dave continues to make great progress! He impresses his therapists every day and we are greatly encouraged. He is very involved with his care and future and asks good and pertinent questions. Little by little his talking improves and he has even teased me at times.

 

He is learning to dress himself and is really good at dropping his trousers ~ Just like the good ole days! What amazed me was when he tied a bow in the drawstring of his hospital britches….not just once, but twice to show off a bit. Good thing I didn’t put a timer on him though.

 

He is sitting up in a deluxe recliner right now watching football …..so things are just like normal in that department! Jorel’s surgery went smoothly and he has taken on the serious task of keeping Dave’s recliner at home in good working order. He also will be using Dave’s truck so it won’t get lonely. Thanks to those of you who have offered and brought food….it has been so appreciated!! FYI we are not against future offers of foodstuffs!

 

So many of you have offered help and I will come up with some more concrete things later when we adjust to this new life. For now one thing I would like to do is make some posters to pass on your well wishes to Dave. If you want to be a part of this you can email me a photo of yourself along with a simple message of a sentence or two. The plan is to put your words along with your picture on poster board to mount in his room where he will be in therapy. (Anyone who wants to help with this craft project is welcome to let me know!) It is possible that he will spend 3-4 weeks in rehab before coming home and having this encouragement can go far in helping him along this difficult path.

 

Mom is due to fly in tonight at around 5 pm and my sister Lisa and I will be waiting at her house to gently break the news. After today I am not against any public postings on FB or writing messages by airplane in the sky….whatever floats your boat!

Love to you all,

Cheryl

Improvements ~ email sent Thursday 9-29

First off I need to apologize if I haven't returned your calls or texts. I am trying to do so but with Dave being so popular it is a bit beyond me right now. We both REALLY appreciate your love and support and prayers!!!

Today Dave has made improvements and I continue to praise him! He is talking a bit better than yesterday and this is one of the most encouraging things for both of us!! The frustration level has been tough with how hard it has been for him to communicate. He has been able to draw with his left hand with amazing accuracy and has performed very well with the speech therapist this morning. He was sitting up in a chair eating breakfast when I came in and was excited to see I had brought him his beloved Diet Coke :)

He got a visit from Homer today and that cheered him up. Just looking at him you wouldn't know he has suffered a stroke. His face does not droop or anything.....not Homer....Dave. Homer's ears do droop but he can't help it.

Dave is off oxygen now and got to have a shower...yay! He is learning to dress himself but needs a lot of help at this point. He was very emotional when I got here. I have been wondering if he would break down and I encouraged him to let his emotions go. It seemed to help. I have been passing on all your thoughts and good wishes and will continue to do whatever it takes to give him hope and determination to come back as much to normal as possible.

We are waiting for the head honcho from the rehab facility here at NW called "Easy Street" to come assess him for his next step in this journey. We are told he is a good candidate for this program and we are hopeful he will be accepted. The location is convenient for the family to visit and for me to support him...but of course I would go unarmed on a 3 hour rickety bus ride through Nicaraguan mudslides if that is what it takes!

FYI...Jorel's knee surgery today went well and he is resting at home. Again....feel free to share this email but Mom is still traveling and does not know this news so please do not post anything on Facebook or share with people that might divulge to her before she is home by our side.

Thank you all for your love and support and wonderful offers!!! When I have a chance to think I will be asking for help and I do appreciate it!!

Love you all!  ~Cheryl

Later ~ I am home now and it is almost 8 pm. The PSE workers have been at my house for at least 2 hours and they have been concerned about our gas meter and such....you know about the gas leak that blew that house up? That was in my neighborhood and I guess they are being extra attentive to our house tonight. I don't know if that makes me feel safer or not....but they are saying we have no worries......Ahhhhhhhhh.....LIFE WITH THE KINGS! 

First Days following the Stroke

I am going to use this blog format to reach all the folks who care about my husband Dave. Below is the email message I sent out 2 days after he was taken to the hospital following a stroke at home. Our son Jorel is the hero of this story. He was the one who discovered Dave that morning around 10am. From what we can piece together Dave was having difficulty in bed and got dressed with intentions of going to the hospital. He made it to the living room. and collapsed partly on the couch and the floor. This is how Jorel found him. We had not idea if he would recover since he had lost his speech and the mobility of his right side.


Here is the email I sent 2 days after his stroke:

I know how much you all love and care for Dave and the past days in the hospital have been so busy and overwhelming that it is hard to put it succinctly.

The main thing he is improving...it is slow and frustrating but he is doing well. He has gone through shock, frustration, fatigue and many more emotions. It is normal for stroke patients to feel depression and be very emotional. He is battling feeling stupid right now but inside his head he is still the same guy. He has what is called "Aphasia" where he has difficulty understanding and speaking language. The blood clot affected the left side of the brain and the speech center. Therefore his right side went from paralyzed on Monday to weak today. But he actually stood up and took steps assisted today!!! We are hopeful he will be able to overcome these disabilities and live a normal life...but we are taking it day by day.

He is working with Speech, Occupational and Physical therapists each day as well as seeing doctors. Most likely he will be here 3-4 days and then transferred to a care facility in order to be trained to come home. We are hopeful for enough of a recovery that this will happen!

I know all of you love Dave and are very concerned....many of you have asked to visit. Dave appreciates all your messages but at this time he asked that he not get visitors. He is so busy and gets too little time in between things to rest.

Many of you have asked what you can do. First off you can pray! One thing we could use help with is home meals. Jorel is going in for knee surgery tomorrow and I will be at the hospital so much I do not want Jorel to be neglected in any way. We don't need a lot....just a few simple easy meals that Jorel can get for himself. His surgery is minor and it won't be too long before he is back in action.

Some of you have asked if it is okay to let others know....yes it is with the caveat that my mother not be told just yet (that means that if you pass this on it must be underlined!!) She is completing a fabulous 3 week trip back east with 3 girlfriends and will be home this Sat. the 1st. She will be informed then when she is not so far away.

Thanks for all your love and kindness!!

Cheryl

SHOCKING News

I thought last summer was a nightmare....as it turns out it was only a bad dream. On September 26th the real nightmare began...but we will wake up! 

First off I need to explain our summer. My husband Dave and I have known a young woman (who will go unnamed) since she was 11. We were her legal guardians when she was 13, 14 and 15 and have done our best over the years to be a positive influence in her very tragic life. She is now a 24 year old single mother of a 3 year old whom we have loved and cared for as if he were a blood Grandson. We adore this boy and would do anything for him! Because of this boy we took her in on July 1st. What we didn't know is that she is a heroin addict and the missing $ from our wallets along with the credit card fraud was her doing. In late Aug. we discovered that she stolen and pawned thousands of dollars worth of my jewelry during the summer. On August 31st we confronted her, called the police and kicked her out. We were instrumental in getting our grandson out of her dangerous life and he is currently living with his birth father. We thought we were going to get our lives back...


Fast forward to Monday, September 26th

I was in Winthrop that rainy on Day 2 of a 4 day retreat with my artist buddies. Verizon was down in the area and I had turned my phone off. About 3:30 I clicked on Facebook and saw this posting from a friend:

"Now I know why Beau suddenly jumped straight up while asleep on my arm this morning at 6 am. Apparently a house blew up about 1/2 mile away - gas explosion. He heard it but I didn't."

I sarcastically commented to my friends that my house was about a half mile from his. Seeing a message I clicked on it and this is what I read: 

• Call me ASAP.....EMERGENCY....
  Call me ASAP .....

Talk about feeling terror! My mind took a leap that it was MY HOUSE that had blown up! I have seen it happen on film but my entire body was shaking while I tried to call someone at home. After several mis-dials I finally reached my sister and while I was relieved to know that my house along with my husband, son and dog had not gone up in a natural gas fireball, the grim news that my husband had suffered a stroke early that morning added a new dimension of shock.

I could not have been with better people upon receiving this news. Liana Bennett immediately offered to drive me the 4 + hours back to Seattle and the others, Pepper Peterson, Patty Forte Linna and Joanne Shellan all were game to go along or do whatever it took to get me safely to my husband's side.

As it turned out Liana and Pepper took me to Marblemount where my brother-in-law met us and took me the remainder of the way. Arriving around 9pm I met a surreal group of family gathered around my husband at NW Hospital in north Seattle. Those of you who have experienced something similar....it takes a special attitude to face this kind of tragedy with fortitude. I can't say I was successful but I think I did okay.