Holiday Hi-Jinx

 

Son Jorel and Dave on Christmas morning

I do believe in miracles and lately Dave is proof positive they exist!

The turning point came in Texas...quite possibly it occurred at the Alamo on our first day there. At any rate he came home a different person than before we left. 

The distances we walked improved his endurance, the museums we visited stimulated his reading skills and the sheer amount of decisions we made each day on what to do and where to go improved his speech and comprehension skills. We both glimpsed fleeting moments of normalcy and Dave built an attitude of confidence not yet seen. 

Traveling was great but coming home is always a comfort. With just a week before Christmas it was the craziest time for me. The reward was a Christmas much, much better than we even hoped for! On the 24^th and 25th Dave had a huge break through with his language skills. He fielded 2 phone calls from good friends and held his own conversationally among a crowd of 23 on Christmas Day. It was so great to hear!!! It was the high point since his stroke. It continues to be up and down but it shows us what we can look forward to.

Dave’s playful nature and mischievous wit has returned. On Christmas morning he and son Jorel got a surprise in their stocking from Santa and I asked them to pose donning their gay apparel for me (see photo above). They are such good sports! It sparked a great idea for next year’s Christmas cards….Oh I feel so sorry for my boys having to deal with me!

Dave is holding up much better than I am during this period. The typical pressures of the season coupled with my impending foot surgery tomorrow morning have combined to create a not so pretty Cheryl. Keeping a grip on my emotions has been a challenge the past few weeks. I look forward to the days I will actually have time to get to the gym and into my studio!! Dave probably does too……

But for now I will have to keep working on that patience thing…sheesh! I guess I need that lesson for I am going under the knife again on my blasted foot injury from “H-E-Double Hockey Sticks”. I am ready to put this chapter in the rear view mirror! In preparation Dave tells me he is ready to drive. This week he has been in training and I have to say I was less nervous the first time our son took the wheel. But I will encourage him with anything that will spur his independence! The next couple of weeks will be interesting...I will keep you posted and let you know if we will be in need of an intervention of some sort.

Traveling Man

We are in Texas at the moment…San Antonio to be exact. This trip has been planned for nearly a year and although we have been here several times before it is a city we love and I was determined that we would go on with our plans as normal. This time we brought along my mother to introduce her to the sights and flavors of this wonderful city.

Some people think I was crazy to attempt a trip with these two that are so dear to me. Dave has difficulty talking and absorbing conversation and mom is hard of hearing so my plan is if no one is listening I will just talk to myself! I am the sole driver of our rented vehicle with no GPS and neither is any good at navigation, although Dave has the edge on mom. We flew into Austin at night and drove 90 minutes in Seattle-worthy rain with windshield wipers on hyper-drive. The locals have been experiencing a drought so long that the young-uns have no idea what rain is so you can imagine how badly they handled driving in a deluge. I was a bit frazzled by the time we checked in.

Dave is a history buff and he loves his cowboy history…so this place is a gem! Bandera, a hill town outside SA, touts itself as “The Cowboy Capital of the World” but it is The Alamo in the center of the city of SA that sparks a light in Dave’s eyes. (I am still flummoxed why the creators of The Alamo chose to build it smack dab in the center of the tourist district!) It was Dave’s 3rd visit to this small crumbling former mission made famous by its suicidal last stand in 1836 and you would have thought it was his first by the excitement he showed. His reading and talking skills leapt a notch while there and it gave me insight into how to implement improvement for the future.

Another upturn is the partial return of his appetite and the plethora of BBQ joints hereabouts is handy! The stroke seemed to have affected his taste buds and his formerly ample keenness for food had him eating like an anorexic teen. A few foods like BBQ seem to be the exception and we have taken advantage of the region and have eaten BBQ every day since arrival. I have teased Dave about his svelte figure now that he has dropped 30 pounds but I am relieved I no longer have to prod him relentlessly to consume life sustaining calories. Now if only the pounds he is losing don’t keep transferring to me!

Gleam in His Eye

Humor is the foundation upon which Dave and my relationship has been built. It was what first attracted us when we met in 1978 and continues to help our marriage thrive. Over the years Dave could be counted on to make a wry observation or inject an amusing remark that invariably made me laugh.  My wit is based more in sarcasm…Dave has a gift of perception and does not fail to break me up with his keen and charmingly warped vision. His humor does not degrade, it enlightens. Those of you who know and love Dave understand what I'm talking about. 

 

I say this because there has been a monolithic breakthrough this week...Dave’s sense of humor has returned! There are moments now when he casts a look my way and I see that ole' gleam in his eyes accompanied by his impish smile. I can elicit a smile more easily from him too and even a chuckle now and again. This gift approached from nowhere in the most dire hour. It came when it felt like we were standing on the edge of a cliff, but instead of falling he took a conscious leap of faith and lifted himself to a safer place of healing. I am so proud of him! Doing this takes grit and resolve to overcome the demons that haunt him daily. The demons named pain, disability, fatigue, depression and emasculation. He may ride this roller coaster up and down but feeling the wind of hope in his face is a breath of fresh air.

One night at dinner I asked him what changed. In his halting and limited speech he related that he was watching his good friend Steve and me working on the computer in an attempt to help him with a comic book matter. He made a conscious decision then and there to move past the negative aspects of his recovery. He simply said, “I was done with it!” This is another attribute of Dave’s that I have loved and admired, his ability to cut through all the shit and get on with it. When he makes up his mind he becomes single-minded. We all like to think we can do this, but Dave really does!

 

Golden Age Comics have been Dave’s life long passion and he and Steve have built a friendship as enduring as Superman. Steve has been by Dave’s side not only as a collector, but as a man who cares so deeply about his friend’s condition that he arranges his life around being there for Dave. Steve has been a fixture at the speech therapy appointments and a monumental support for me. He essentially told me that he doesn’t give a damn if Dave spoke only gibberish the rest of his life; he would still be his friend. Devotion like this is to be cherished! 

 

Steve is not alone in this commitment to Dave. So many others have come forward and continue to come forward to offer love, support and help. My head spins when I recall all the acts of kindness from family and friends that have blessed us! I wish I had the time and energy to take your hand and sincerely express my gratitude in person. For now please accept this less significant substitute: THANK YOU!!!

 

Cheryl and Dave circa 1980