Holiday Hi-Jinx

 

Son Jorel and Dave on Christmas morning

I do believe in miracles and lately Dave is proof positive they exist!

The turning point came in Texas...quite possibly it occurred at the Alamo on our first day there. At any rate he came home a different person than before we left. 

The distances we walked improved his endurance, the museums we visited stimulated his reading skills and the sheer amount of decisions we made each day on what to do and where to go improved his speech and comprehension skills. We both glimpsed fleeting moments of normalcy and Dave built an attitude of confidence not yet seen. 

Traveling was great but coming home is always a comfort. With just a week before Christmas it was the craziest time for me. The reward was a Christmas much, much better than we even hoped for! On the 24^th and 25th Dave had a huge break through with his language skills. He fielded 2 phone calls from good friends and held his own conversationally among a crowd of 23 on Christmas Day. It was so great to hear!!! It was the high point since his stroke. It continues to be up and down but it shows us what we can look forward to.

Dave’s playful nature and mischievous wit has returned. On Christmas morning he and son Jorel got a surprise in their stocking from Santa and I asked them to pose donning their gay apparel for me (see photo above). They are such good sports! It sparked a great idea for next year’s Christmas cards….Oh I feel so sorry for my boys having to deal with me!

Dave is holding up much better than I am during this period. The typical pressures of the season coupled with my impending foot surgery tomorrow morning have combined to create a not so pretty Cheryl. Keeping a grip on my emotions has been a challenge the past few weeks. I look forward to the days I will actually have time to get to the gym and into my studio!! Dave probably does too……

But for now I will have to keep working on that patience thing…sheesh! I guess I need that lesson for I am going under the knife again on my blasted foot injury from “H-E-Double Hockey Sticks”. I am ready to put this chapter in the rear view mirror! In preparation Dave tells me he is ready to drive. This week he has been in training and I have to say I was less nervous the first time our son took the wheel. But I will encourage him with anything that will spur his independence! The next couple of weeks will be interesting...I will keep you posted and let you know if we will be in need of an intervention of some sort.

Traveling Man

We are in Texas at the moment…San Antonio to be exact. This trip has been planned for nearly a year and although we have been here several times before it is a city we love and I was determined that we would go on with our plans as normal. This time we brought along my mother to introduce her to the sights and flavors of this wonderful city.

Some people think I was crazy to attempt a trip with these two that are so dear to me. Dave has difficulty talking and absorbing conversation and mom is hard of hearing so my plan is if no one is listening I will just talk to myself! I am the sole driver of our rented vehicle with no GPS and neither is any good at navigation, although Dave has the edge on mom. We flew into Austin at night and drove 90 minutes in Seattle-worthy rain with windshield wipers on hyper-drive. The locals have been experiencing a drought so long that the young-uns have no idea what rain is so you can imagine how badly they handled driving in a deluge. I was a bit frazzled by the time we checked in.

Dave is a history buff and he loves his cowboy history…so this place is a gem! Bandera, a hill town outside SA, touts itself as “The Cowboy Capital of the World” but it is The Alamo in the center of the city of SA that sparks a light in Dave’s eyes. (I am still flummoxed why the creators of The Alamo chose to build it smack dab in the center of the tourist district!) It was Dave’s 3rd visit to this small crumbling former mission made famous by its suicidal last stand in 1836 and you would have thought it was his first by the excitement he showed. His reading and talking skills leapt a notch while there and it gave me insight into how to implement improvement for the future.

Another upturn is the partial return of his appetite and the plethora of BBQ joints hereabouts is handy! The stroke seemed to have affected his taste buds and his formerly ample keenness for food had him eating like an anorexic teen. A few foods like BBQ seem to be the exception and we have taken advantage of the region and have eaten BBQ every day since arrival. I have teased Dave about his svelte figure now that he has dropped 30 pounds but I am relieved I no longer have to prod him relentlessly to consume life sustaining calories. Now if only the pounds he is losing don’t keep transferring to me!

Gleam in His Eye

Humor is the foundation upon which Dave and my relationship has been built. It was what first attracted us when we met in 1978 and continues to help our marriage thrive. Over the years Dave could be counted on to make a wry observation or inject an amusing remark that invariably made me laugh.  My wit is based more in sarcasm…Dave has a gift of perception and does not fail to break me up with his keen and charmingly warped vision. His humor does not degrade, it enlightens. Those of you who know and love Dave understand what I'm talking about. 

 

I say this because there has been a monolithic breakthrough this week...Dave’s sense of humor has returned! There are moments now when he casts a look my way and I see that ole' gleam in his eyes accompanied by his impish smile. I can elicit a smile more easily from him too and even a chuckle now and again. This gift approached from nowhere in the most dire hour. It came when it felt like we were standing on the edge of a cliff, but instead of falling he took a conscious leap of faith and lifted himself to a safer place of healing. I am so proud of him! Doing this takes grit and resolve to overcome the demons that haunt him daily. The demons named pain, disability, fatigue, depression and emasculation. He may ride this roller coaster up and down but feeling the wind of hope in his face is a breath of fresh air.

One night at dinner I asked him what changed. In his halting and limited speech he related that he was watching his good friend Steve and me working on the computer in an attempt to help him with a comic book matter. He made a conscious decision then and there to move past the negative aspects of his recovery. He simply said, “I was done with it!” This is another attribute of Dave’s that I have loved and admired, his ability to cut through all the shit and get on with it. When he makes up his mind he becomes single-minded. We all like to think we can do this, but Dave really does!

 

Golden Age Comics have been Dave’s life long passion and he and Steve have built a friendship as enduring as Superman. Steve has been by Dave’s side not only as a collector, but as a man who cares so deeply about his friend’s condition that he arranges his life around being there for Dave. Steve has been a fixture at the speech therapy appointments and a monumental support for me. He essentially told me that he doesn’t give a damn if Dave spoke only gibberish the rest of his life; he would still be his friend. Devotion like this is to be cherished! 

 

Steve is not alone in this commitment to Dave. So many others have come forward and continue to come forward to offer love, support and help. My head spins when I recall all the acts of kindness from family and friends that have blessed us! I wish I had the time and energy to take your hand and sincerely express my gratitude in person. For now please accept this less significant substitute: THANK YOU!!!

 

Cheryl and Dave circa 1980

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE ADORABLE

 

Ashton and his P-Baw playing "phone"

What diversity a week can hold. A few days of hopeful improvement followed closely by days brewed in the depths of despair. When it feels like we are doomed to misery, in steps a whirlwind of a 3 year old that zaps the household with a stiff dose of adorable. This is how week # 9 P.S. (post stroke) is summed up.

Before the set back there were a few days of encouraging progress. A visit from friends last Sunday had Dave participating in simple conversation and he appeared to follow most of what was said. The Seahawks kicked butt that afternoon and things were moving in the right direction. Monday and Tuesday also proved fruitful with positive development in his speech therapy. He was able to say or write the correct word for single objects that were held up for him. This may not seem like much but believe me….it is HUGE! It shows me that his brain is rewiring itself and finding ways to communicate. We will continue to concentrate on simple written words and hope for progress.

The bad days began the day before Thanksgiving. He had been battling a head cold that got the best of him. I didn’t meddle with his need to sleep the day away for he obviously needed a break. I hoped he would gather strength for we had been warned that holidays are very tough for aphasics.  I also hoped it would be different in Dave’s case but it I was wrong. For the most part Dave masked how miserable he was but the next morning under my questioning he confessed his desolation. What a low moment for us both! Thanksgiving used to be his favorite holiday.

I have been receiving one of those educations one could live their life without…you know the kind…and this unveiling of “The World of Aphasia” (which affects over 1 million people each year) is a good example. I have learned that people with aphasia cannot cope well with large groups and a Thanksgiving Day with 18 present was a recipe for failure. This blessing in normal circumstances turned out to be the unfortunate part. My family is large, raucous and extremely close. We are populated by whip smart individuals with smart aleck lovability and razor sharp wit. Up until his stroke Dave would partake in the familial wordplay and was respected as a contender. He has been blessed by their loving support for 33 years. My siblings have been our best friends and we have always anticipated family gatherings with enthusiasm. For Dave there is a grieving for events once so treasured and now distressing. We are told that this will be the hardest year for the holidays and will only improve. Assertions like this are what I hold on to!

After the abysmal day following Thanksgiving the clouds began to break with the arrival of our grandson for a sleepover. The joy that children bring with their unflappable mind-set and talent for unconditional love was the tonic this house needed! Ashton loves his super heroes and he defines people into 2 categories…the good guys and the bad guys. He is fond of striking a dramatic pose with fisted hand raised high with the other on jutted out hip while proclaiming in lung expanding tones “I will save the day!” And he did just that.

Ashton can be described as a dynamo that LOVES to talk! And talk he does….from the first moment upon waking when he yells for me at the top of his lungs “Graaaaannnnnnnyyyyyy!” to the last second before dropping off at night…he exercises his own personal first amendment with relish. He does not judge or shy away when Dave talks in gibberish to him. This does nothing to deter the little marathon talker from continuing his diatribes.  From the beginning I have explained to him that P-Baw (his name for Dave) has a BIG OWIE to his brain and it makes him talk funny at times. I emphasize that it will take a long time for his owie to go away but we must continue to help him with his talking.

I am learning how to adjust our lives so that Dave will not be overwhelmed. He deserves to feel capable and smart, valid and valuable to himself and others. At times it feels insurmountable and other times resolute. I do not know what if anything we will be able to change or adjust come Christmas Day. Next week I just might sit on Santa’s lap and ask him for a miracle. 

Rough Patch

 Dave showing his strut at the zoo 11-7

I try to keep my blogs uplifting despite the serious situation but sometimes it just isn’t possible. I haven’t written for awhile because not only have I been struggling with my health but Dave hit a major rough patch last weekend and all my energies have gone towards helping him recover. We have been told plenty of times that his recovery will be a roller coaster but it doesn’t stop discouragement when things go south.

Sleep, or lack of it, has become the greatest enemy. Plain and simple: without adequate sleep his progress is impeded. Directly after Dave’s stroke he began the battle of a good night’s rest and so far he is not winning. His restless leg syndrome, which was managed before, has become ridiculously out of control. Every evening about 7 his leg tremors begin to shake his recliner like a train rattling down the tracks. This continues throughout the night. We have tried new meds, acupuncture, sleeping pills, and I even bought a heating blanket for the bed but to no avail. It interrupts his sleep patterns and leaves him bleary and tired the next morning.

       NUMBER ONE IMPORTANT for stroke recovery is GOOD SLEEP!!!

I am hoping with time his tremors will subside but meanwhile I am open to any suggestions. This morning upon waking I even considered medical marijuana…hmmm…need to think seriously about this. I might be onto something!

Last weekend should have been a good one for him. My brother took him to a Husky basketball game and his sister came down from the mountains where she lives and spent the weekend. He moved only when he had to and his normally determined demeanor faded. He refused to eat much and didn’t do any of his therapies. I was concerned! Many times he would utter “I don’t care” when I tried to motivate him. But what scared me the most were 4 simple words: “I want to die”. Although he only muttered it once it showed me the depths of his despair that night. Logically I know that this is probably not an uncommon reaction but the anguish it elicited in me was acute!

I decided a change of scenery was due. On Monday morning I loaded Dave and Homer (our trusty Weiner dog) into the car and drove up to the family sanctuary on Whidbey Island, bringing our grandson along for comic diversion. We cranked the heat up in the condominium overlooking the beach and Dave spent a good deal of the day napping and resting while I frolicked on the beach with Ashton and Homer, went to the local park and made cupcakes.

On Tuesday he seemed to have snapped out of it and in his speech therapy that day “Kara the Magnificent” came up with a battle plan that we are enacting this week. It may take some time to address some of the issues we outlined but it feels good to have a list to tackle! I grew up in a family of list makers so this is right up my alley! Now the goal is to get all of us healthy enough to focus directly on these matters. Dave came down with the head cold that is going around and I have an anchor sitting on my chest and a dry cough. What a household we make! Now if only Homer had opposable thumbs!

One of the activities we both enjoyed before the stroke was playing a canasta card game called “Hand and Foot”. Over the years we have taught many people how to play this social card game. I was anxious to have Dave try and play this again, especially after he showed me he is could play cribbage. Last weekend with his sister here I was dismayed when he refused to play. But this past Wednesday we received a visit from the DuValls, friends that we have fanatically played this game with for over 15 years. He finally gave it a go and found out that he is capable of playing it!!! I am sure it eases his mind knowing he can be competent at something he loved before. This milestone will encourage him to move onward and give him reasons to stay on this path of healing and rehabilitation!!

 

Side by Side

When I first began blogging about Dave’s stroke I worried a bit about infringing upon his privacy. We are very different creatures and while he tends to play his cards close to his vest, I am an open book and need to express myself often and candidly. The deal breaker was that people really love this man and need to know how he is progressing. Besides….this is not his struggle alone, it is mine as well. People remind me again and again to make sure and take care of myself and writing is one way I do this.  If I cannot create pictures with paint to ease my soul then painting them with words makes a good enough substitute!

In the beginning I also wondered if anyone even read this since it is always comment free.  But apparently people are listening for now and again someone says something that makes me realize it touched them in some way...allowing me peace for making our private struggle so public. I appreciate all the sincere thoughts and pure prayers sent our direction and it really lifts my spirits when I get emails of encouragement.

Today Dave and I are headed for the gym. It will be his first return since the stroke and I know he is not excited but I am! It will take awhile for him to get back into the rhythm of it but he will learn to love it once again (I hope!). He already has dropped weight and is motivated to lose more. The “Stroke Diet” is not one I recommend but it seems effective so far.

We are relishing the sunny and gorgeous season. On Sunday we spent 4 hours at the zoo with our grandson and had a wonderful time!!! Dave did better than I expected with all the walking. In fact I had rented a wheelchair for him to take breaks in but he insisted upon hoofing it for the most part. Our grandson spent more time in it than he did and it made a great carrier for my camera equipment and our lunch!

Monday he was pretty tuckered out…but not enough to spank me in a game of cribbage. He skunked me by 14 points! (Anyone familiar with the competitive nature of my family knows I am incapable of throwing a game!) I brought the game out not only because we used to play it ritually but also it is darn good therapy for him. Shuffling the cards is still beyond his abilities but I had him try once each time it was his turn. Most of the time he keeps track of the addition but saying the correct words is beyond him at the moment. I reinforce the counting but he pegged his moves correctly EVERY SINGLE TIME! I would swat his left hand if he tried to peg with it….using his weakened right hand to peg was one of the objectives.

This week I have come to believe Dave will make a complete or almost complete recovery, even if it takes a year or two or more. What he has accomplished in just 6 weeks makes me so very hopeful! It has also taught me extreme lessons in patience and faith and love. Those who know me are snorting with skepticism about the “patience” part but in all seriousness, the patience I feel is profound. For the first time in my life I am not in a hurry to do anything. Before I would measure my day by how much I produced or accomplished. No longer is this my litmus for success. Each day is to be treasured and taken with slow steps forward. I am sure this will change as Dave progresses, but it is what he needs right now and whatever he needs is fine by me!

Acceptance

This week is going much better than last! We have cycled through denial and anger and have come closer to acceptance. Acceptance does NOT mean we are rolling over and taking it. What it does mean is that we are no longer in DESPAIR over our future and working towards healing while also adjusting. “Change is good!” I proclaim with a cheesy smile!

 

Frustrations will come and go but we try to learn from each one and move forward. When it took 5 minutes for me to figure out that Dave was trying to tell me he had run out of clean underwear I got annoyed! After starting the laundry I went back to him and explained a much quicker way for him to convey this message rather than 20 questions and flat out guessing from his nonsensical words. We get mad, we get frustrated, we make adjustments and later we laugh about it!

A couple of big milestones this week:

• Dave was released from Occupational Therapy and no longer needs outpatient appts. ~ we continue to work on this area at home and I have him sewing on buttons and threading beads….a regular sweat shop atmosphere! He also made his famous homemade biscuits for dinner on Sunday….YUM YUM!! All these tasks require fine motor skills and I have donned the hat of therapist and devise torturous exercises for him to refine his movements.

• Dave was evaluated for driving and given the thumb’s up to get behind the wheel whenever feels comfortable with it. He has indicated to me that he isn’t ready just yet…but soon…and then we will approach it as if he were 15 with a fresh driver’s permit. Just for nostalgia reasons alone I intend to do all the typical parental maneuvers like grabbing the steering wheel in panic or stepping forcefully on an imaginary brake. In all seriousness, this is a monumental step!!! At first we were told it could be a year before he would drive and not long ago it was amended to 6 months. But at 5 weeks post stroke?!?!? Unbelievable! 

   

We may be finished with outpatient Physical and Occupation therapies, but Speech therapy continues and will most likely continue for an extended period of time. I am glad that this is the area that I find the most fascinating. When things don’t seem to go the way we would like them to I remind Dave that it could have been so much worse and he agrees. We are thankful for that!

Anger Management

We have new enemies lately. They go by the names of APATHY, BOREDOM and ANGER. Dave feels the apathy and boredom and I battle the anger. If anyone uses the term “New Normal” to me one more time I swear I will have to curb a stiff punch to their face! Most of the time people saying this have not had to deal like we have. WTF is NORMAL anyhow????? I have always bucked the phrase and proclaimed that normal is boring. Which brings me to BOREDOM…..

Last weekend BOREDOM presented his bland face in our home and did his darndest to undermine the good work done thus far. At this point in Dave’s recovery he is not able to read or write much more than a word here or there. His speaking skills are limited and difficult. Reading is a love he discovered just 4 years past at the time he retired from the electrical trade. To not be able to read his beloved Western novels is a big blow to him. He cannot read the newspaper as he loved to do each morning either. With these skills still needing to be sharpened he is relegated to the TV. Thank God it is football season! But of course there is only so much TV that a person can take and I see him suffering for it. This is where APATHY seeps in and he scares me more than BOREDOM!

The past 2 days I was down with the flu and not able to help engage him much. I was pretty much useless other than to drag my butt out of bed to dispense medications. This morning I felt a return of energy and had Dave give Homer (the Weiner-ator!) a bath to give him something useful to do. It went so-so (although Homer behaved as if the torture was exactly the way he remembered it). I believe Dave’s self confidence is suffering and he does not believe he can do much. He remembers how he did things before and the recovery has been difficult to the point he has said to me many times lately that he doesn’t care. I believe he says this in frustration more than that he doesn’t care…but it frightens me all the same!

Back to the speaking and language department…..this is perhaps the greatest hurdle Dave will have to face. We have to gird our loins for the fact that he may never have a regular ‘ole conversation again. “Kara the Magnificent” our speech therapist has been trying to make us understand this concept all along and I have been bull-headedly denying that he will not recover completely. We are reliant upon the notebook I call his “talking book” and the fact that I know him so completely. Some days he says things simply and well…others he forms words but nonsense comes out. This is all happening to a man who has the same high IQ as he always has had, who is still the same person inside as always and still has the same needs, wants, desires and sense of humor as before the stroke. So I am saying to y’all that like to whip out the phrase “New Normal”….what exactly is NORMAL about that?!?!?!?

You can see my battle with ANGER is still being waged……

I am open to any suggestions on how to entertain and engage Dave’s mind and person!

Adjustments

10 days have passed since Dave's return home after his stay in rehab following his stroke. We have gone through a week of outpatient therapy that feels longer but has been fruitful. During the week he had 2 speech and 2 occupational therapies. On Thursday he met with his PT and did so well the therapist deemed it unnecessary for him to continue and we will proceed doing things at home on our own. He is taking daily walks for about 15 minutes to build his endurance and balance. Soon I hope to get him into the gym for some gentle biking.

Slowly I am beginning to feel a small glimmer of normalcy returning. Dave is back in charge of some of his past chores like retrieving the mail daily and pushing out the trash and recycle bins on pickup day. I try to include him in meal making because he is a good cook and before his stroke he had taken over most of the dinners in the past couple of years. But cutting with a sharp knife will have to wait until his fine motor skills have been more finely tuned. He will be on a blood thinning medication for life and it wouldn't do at all for him to get a cut!

We are learning how to communicate using his notebook we have filled with pictures, calendars, maps, etc. and on some days he can talk rather well. Others he gets frustrated and says "never mind" when the wrong words keep coming out. His speech therapist Kara is AWESOME!! She has driving passion for what she does and tremendous compassion for her patients. I have never missed a session and Dave's sister and good friend Steve also like to come when possible. In fact next Wed. Steve will be coming and after we plan on checking out the new Dick's in Edmonds for lunch! Most likely he will be in speech therapy for a very long time.

Dave is happy to be home but needs to get out at times. I bring him along on errands and we go to get acupuncture once or twice a week. Today I sensed he felt housebound and asked if he wanted to go for a drive. He was eager to do so and we drove down to Golden Gardens in the early evening as the sun was streaming from behind billowy clouds. Beautiful!!! We are blessed with the most amazing beaches and scenery in this city!!

Sunshine can make a difference

Despite being a born 'n' raised Pacific NW'ster it is hard to get used to the "blahs" that cloudy days bring. You would think after 53 years I would be accustomed to it?!?!? Nah! But when things in life get challenging the dank days are extra tough. This morning the beams of sunshine streaming in my windows were a portent for a good day!

• First thing Dave began the day writing his name and address down with his weakened right hand. This is an exercise he is supposed to perform daily and today he even impressed himself with his handwriting!
  (I tease him as if he were a Bart Simpson-like character that he is required to write his name and address100 times on the chalkboard before I will feed him)
• He went to his first outpatient therapy session this morning (which was OT) and performed admirably....shattering his previous records for the tasks he was asked to complete. His progress physically has been wonderful!
• We both went to acupuncture after that and enjoyed a relaxing hour nap in a recliner with needles stuck in us.
• After wards we swung by the local Arby's and ordered food to go and drove down to Edmonds to park overlooking the beach and ferry terminal. YUM! YUM! We love Arby's roast beef sandwiches and curly fries. They were extra good with the beautiful scenery and warm rays beating down on us!!!
• We had a brand-spanking-new mattress delivered today....the hope is that it will help Dave sleep better at night. This has been a huge challenge since his stroke! I am secretly hoping his restless legs will slow down. Dave NEVER dances while awake....but let me tell you he can do a mean jitterbug while prone! It's like sleeping in an old time "magic fingers" bed only I needn't waste any quarters.
• I put Dave to work helping me make my famous applesauce...well noteworthy within my family and close friends. It was good OT for him to place the apples on the corer/peeler tool I have and crank away. I just now finished spicing it up with sugar, nutmeg and extra cinnamon.....MMMMMMMM!

Bittersweet Beginnings

You would think that coming home after a 19 day stay in hospital and rehab would be a joyful time. Yesterday was ROUGH! Dave came home at 10:30 in the morning and I spent the day terrified with my eyes welling up uncontrollably. I knew this journey would be an emotional roller coaster but when the downward plunge hits it is not the adrenaline rush I loved from my childhood carnival memories. Before I knew that his well being was taken care of....now the onus is on me. No matter how much I reprimanded myself or tried the stiff upper lip it all just dissolved. I know that this feeling will pass and my natural resolve will kick in. I also know this will take a ton of patience and perseverance. I suppose the "patience" part is the lesson I will be learning the most...never been my strong suit! Again I am thankful for my incredible family and the plentiful dear friends in our lives. Being responsible for a loved one 24/7 is nerve wracking but we will find our way through this one day at a time.

GOOD DAY!

Today was an all around swell day!

• Dave was cleared for independence within his room so he no longer has a bed or chair alarm screaming whenever he decides to get up without help (which he has stubbornly done from the get go)
• He is using his right hand with more and more confidence and can write his name legibly, maybe even better than his old chicken scrawl I teasingly called "Chinese".
• He can go to the bathroom in privacy
• His speech is becoming clearer with the use of his "language notebook", although I am fascinated by the gibberish that spews forth from his lips I fondly call "Davish". 
• Good buddy Steve brought Dick's burgers for lunch and Dave was in heaven!
• But best of all:  DAVE IS COMING HOME ON FRIDAY!! (if you had asked me how I felt about this 2 days ago I would have burst into tears, but I feel confident now)
  
• 2 of Dave's electrician buddies came over and put up handrails and did whatever tasks I needed done in preparation for the big day.
• I won a million bucks with a lottery ticket....just kidding....but I did find a dime on the ground!
  

The gate keepers know my car on sight with my frequent comings and goings. I am sure they will miss me and I expect Christmas cards this year from each and every one of them!

DAY 15 A.S. (After Stroke)

It is hard for me to relate the changes that have happened with Dave and his stroke. I do know that life will be divided into “Before the Stroke” and “After the Stroke”. It has had a profound impact on our lives and we will both work hard to get as close to normal as possible. What I do know is that we cannot afford to dwell on what we can no longer do….we MUST emphasize what we CAN do. 

I know it has been awhile since my last post and a few of you have contacted me worried that something was awry. Do not fret! Life has just been crazy busy and Dave is doing fine. Over the weekend I didn’t see him so much mostly because I had our grandson over for some “Granny time”. He needed me and I needed him.

I knew that Dave was in good hands and could use his free time on Sunday to watch the Seahawks play what turned out to be an impressive victory. Over the weekend he also got visits from our grandson and a few close family members and friends. I am still being all “Mama Bear Protective” of him as far as visitors goes. He gets so fatigued with all his therapy sessions and it is important that he gets plenty of rest so he can keep progressing. There will be time in the future for face to face.

That being said….he is still making improvements ~ physically much faster than speech-wise. I am amazed at what he is capable of compared to a mere week ago. I am constantly reminded of how much children grow and learn and this is similar to witness. His strength in completing tasks is good and his determination continues.

I am doing what I can to take care of myself too as so many of you have urged me to do. Last week I made it into the gym for a couple of workouts and I plan to continue this week. The thought of painting still feels remote and inaccessible. I have had lots of offers of help and things are getting accomplished. We are so very blessed!

There is talk that Dave may be released this Friday to come home. I have to be frank and say this makes me very nervous! I don’t feel prepared yet. He will need someone around 24/7 and will need to continue outpatient therapy for who knows how long. I pray that I will be whatever he needs me to be and to be strong, loving, patient and capable. A phrase that constantly slips from Dave's lips:  “It is what it is”, mine has been: “Everything is going to be okay”. I believe I am trying to convince myself of this again and again.

Solving Puzzles

At hospitals and rehab centers it seems there is always a jigsaw puzzle in progress in the public areas. I love puzzles and it never fails that I get seduced into fiddling around with them. Just tonight as I left Dave's room I almost made it out the main door....but the siren call of the puzzle sucked me in. You know they are similar to slot machines and getting one win that keeps you there. Once you get one piece fitted you can't seem to walk away and then you are hooked! This time I managed to pull myself away from it after just 4 pieces.

Dave has "Aphasia" which is a difficulty with language due to the stroke. He is working hard to learn to express himself each day but it will be a marathon that could go on the rest of his life. People with this disability are often tagged as stupid because they say the wrong things or even worse...their speech is garbled or nonsense. Aphasia does not affect the personality, intelligence, cognisance, nor the humor of the individual, just their ability to relate in words. Dave is the same ole smart ass as always!

Each day he is progressing with his right side physical strength. He is stronger and learning to control his muscle movements with more dexterity. He is walking to and from his room to the dining room at meal times with guidance. Balance is more of an issue here. He is going up and down stairs with guidance as well.

I may miss a OT or PT appt. now and then but it is during speech therapy that I make sure I am always present. I am very fascinated by this therapy...maybe cuz I love words and talking so much? At any rate I think of it as solving puzzles and unless I am really tired I don't mind so much.

With "Aphasiacs" it is important to talk slowly, simply and with eye contact. We also use a notepad to make sure what is said is correct since the opposite meaning can come out. Yes may be No and vice verse....so this is the most important skill he is learning right now: to say Yes or No with accuracy. As the days turn into weeks and then into months Dave will be seeing more and more of you and it is important to understand this. He is talking quite well most of the time but gets stuck at others.

I know I may be making this seem really complex and maybe even a bit scary...but really we have had plenty of laughs! Humor was one of the things that bonded us in the beginning and it will be the thing that gets us through this. I am so very proud of how hard he works at everything he does! His determination is remarkable and his attitude is admirable!!!

Thanks to all who have sent messages and cards of encouragement and support! A special thanks to the guys at Sequoyah Electric (where Dave retired from) for the gorgeous flower arrangement. We especially liked the big black spider on top!!

Easy Street

Today Dave was finally moved to the rehabilitation center called "Easy Street" (and what a misnomer that is!) It should be called "Kick Ass Street"...but I am quibbling.

Since he didn't get over there until after 11 he had his 3 therapies in quick succession: Speech, Occupational and Physical. He did great in all three but I have to say that I am most fascinated with the speech aspect. This will be by far the most challenging obstacle for Dave to overcome. For instance: today before I left he kept saying to me "Pain Problem" but insisted it had nothing to do with pain. After about 10 minutes of part charades, part 20 questions and plenty of writing words in his work book and eliminating possibilities I finally cracked the code!! He wanted me to bring him 2 certain books from home!

The challenge for stroke patients with "Aphasia" like Dave has is the frustration they have when they think one word but it comes out something completely different. We try to be patient with one another and laugh when we can. It does help that I have had 33 years with this lug of a guy and we can anticipate the others thoughts and desires.

As exhausted as I am at this moment....and believe me I will be sawing logs within 5 minutes of concluding this posting.....I am exhilarated as well at how far Dave is coming. He is showing incredible fortitude of character, strong determination and positive willingness to do whatever it takes! I just LOVE this man!!!

Oh yeah....and he walked 200 feet today!!!!! Won't be long and he will be leaping tall buildings in a single bound......

G'night!

Movin' Day

Today Dave was approved the transfer to the rehab facility called Easy Street...but in typical hospital fashion the wait for the doc to sign off took too long for it to happen today...so in the morn we are packing his meager belongings and going across campus. He is so ready for this!!! He woke up today, exactly one week after his stroke, saying how much better he felt and flexed his hands into fists. He is raring to get into therapy full time and kick this thing in the ass!!

I am so happy to see him like this. It gives me renewed vigor and hope. We both know it will be a long road and quite possibly may not have the perfectly happy ending....but we got each other!

Meltdown

Yesterday I had my meltdown but I made sure Dave didn't suspect a thing. I suppose it was bound to happen and it was no fun at all. Each morning all week as I drove to the hospital I would give myself pep talks. I breathe deeply, relax my facial muscles and send up prayers for strength and loving patience so I can be exactly what Dave needs me to be. Until yesterday I have felt strong and able to meet the challenges. As far as Dave knows nothing was out of the norm. When I had my moments I made sure I was far from his view. When I knew it might be out of control I gathered as much control as I could muster to tell him I was headed home for a bit to let Homer out.

Once home I did what my normal routine for grief or sorrow is......I worked. I cleaned house and then headed outside to blow leaves, sweep and put away lawn furniture for the winter. It felt good to have purpose and be able to channel my pain into something productive! Later I went back to the hospital for a couple of hours and showed Dave my game face. That night as I ate dinner and confessed to Jorel my emotional day I learned an important thing: It is really difficult to chew a salad and cry. I don't recommend it!

Hotel NW Hospital ~ email sent Saturday 10-1

“Welcome to the Hotel NW Hospital…..such a lovely place….such a lovely face…we’re livin’ it up at the Hotel NW Hospital…..”

 

It looks like Dave will be here through the weekend and “Hotel California” keeps flitting through my mind. On Thursday he was assessed by that head honcho guy I told you about and Dr. Chatilo (Russian accent and all) approved for Dave to be admitted to “Easy Street”. Now it is a matter of the insurance big wigs to give us the thumbs up. Being a weekend we reckon it will be Monday for the big moving date.

 

Dave continues to make great progress! He impresses his therapists every day and we are greatly encouraged. He is very involved with his care and future and asks good and pertinent questions. Little by little his talking improves and he has even teased me at times.

 

He is learning to dress himself and is really good at dropping his trousers ~ Just like the good ole days! What amazed me was when he tied a bow in the drawstring of his hospital britches….not just once, but twice to show off a bit. Good thing I didn’t put a timer on him though.

 

He is sitting up in a deluxe recliner right now watching football …..so things are just like normal in that department! Jorel’s surgery went smoothly and he has taken on the serious task of keeping Dave’s recliner at home in good working order. He also will be using Dave’s truck so it won’t get lonely. Thanks to those of you who have offered and brought food….it has been so appreciated!! FYI we are not against future offers of foodstuffs!

 

So many of you have offered help and I will come up with some more concrete things later when we adjust to this new life. For now one thing I would like to do is make some posters to pass on your well wishes to Dave. If you want to be a part of this you can email me a photo of yourself along with a simple message of a sentence or two. The plan is to put your words along with your picture on poster board to mount in his room where he will be in therapy. (Anyone who wants to help with this craft project is welcome to let me know!) It is possible that he will spend 3-4 weeks in rehab before coming home and having this encouragement can go far in helping him along this difficult path.

 

Mom is due to fly in tonight at around 5 pm and my sister Lisa and I will be waiting at her house to gently break the news. After today I am not against any public postings on FB or writing messages by airplane in the sky….whatever floats your boat!

Love to you all,

Cheryl

Improvements ~ email sent Thursday 9-29

First off I need to apologize if I haven't returned your calls or texts. I am trying to do so but with Dave being so popular it is a bit beyond me right now. We both REALLY appreciate your love and support and prayers!!!

Today Dave has made improvements and I continue to praise him! He is talking a bit better than yesterday and this is one of the most encouraging things for both of us!! The frustration level has been tough with how hard it has been for him to communicate. He has been able to draw with his left hand with amazing accuracy and has performed very well with the speech therapist this morning. He was sitting up in a chair eating breakfast when I came in and was excited to see I had brought him his beloved Diet Coke :)

He got a visit from Homer today and that cheered him up. Just looking at him you wouldn't know he has suffered a stroke. His face does not droop or anything.....not Homer....Dave. Homer's ears do droop but he can't help it.

Dave is off oxygen now and got to have a shower...yay! He is learning to dress himself but needs a lot of help at this point. He was very emotional when I got here. I have been wondering if he would break down and I encouraged him to let his emotions go. It seemed to help. I have been passing on all your thoughts and good wishes and will continue to do whatever it takes to give him hope and determination to come back as much to normal as possible.

We are waiting for the head honcho from the rehab facility here at NW called "Easy Street" to come assess him for his next step in this journey. We are told he is a good candidate for this program and we are hopeful he will be accepted. The location is convenient for the family to visit and for me to support him...but of course I would go unarmed on a 3 hour rickety bus ride through Nicaraguan mudslides if that is what it takes!

FYI...Jorel's knee surgery today went well and he is resting at home. Again....feel free to share this email but Mom is still traveling and does not know this news so please do not post anything on Facebook or share with people that might divulge to her before she is home by our side.

Thank you all for your love and support and wonderful offers!!! When I have a chance to think I will be asking for help and I do appreciate it!!

Love you all!  ~Cheryl

Later ~ I am home now and it is almost 8 pm. The PSE workers have been at my house for at least 2 hours and they have been concerned about our gas meter and such....you know about the gas leak that blew that house up? That was in my neighborhood and I guess they are being extra attentive to our house tonight. I don't know if that makes me feel safer or not....but they are saying we have no worries......Ahhhhhhhhh.....LIFE WITH THE KINGS! 

First Days following the Stroke

I am going to use this blog format to reach all the folks who care about my husband Dave. Below is the email message I sent out 2 days after he was taken to the hospital following a stroke at home. Our son Jorel is the hero of this story. He was the one who discovered Dave that morning around 10am. From what we can piece together Dave was having difficulty in bed and got dressed with intentions of going to the hospital. He made it to the living room. and collapsed partly on the couch and the floor. This is how Jorel found him. We had not idea if he would recover since he had lost his speech and the mobility of his right side.


Here is the email I sent 2 days after his stroke:

I know how much you all love and care for Dave and the past days in the hospital have been so busy and overwhelming that it is hard to put it succinctly.

The main thing he is improving...it is slow and frustrating but he is doing well. He has gone through shock, frustration, fatigue and many more emotions. It is normal for stroke patients to feel depression and be very emotional. He is battling feeling stupid right now but inside his head he is still the same guy. He has what is called "Aphasia" where he has difficulty understanding and speaking language. The blood clot affected the left side of the brain and the speech center. Therefore his right side went from paralyzed on Monday to weak today. But he actually stood up and took steps assisted today!!! We are hopeful he will be able to overcome these disabilities and live a normal life...but we are taking it day by day.

He is working with Speech, Occupational and Physical therapists each day as well as seeing doctors. Most likely he will be here 3-4 days and then transferred to a care facility in order to be trained to come home. We are hopeful for enough of a recovery that this will happen!

I know all of you love Dave and are very concerned....many of you have asked to visit. Dave appreciates all your messages but at this time he asked that he not get visitors. He is so busy and gets too little time in between things to rest.

Many of you have asked what you can do. First off you can pray! One thing we could use help with is home meals. Jorel is going in for knee surgery tomorrow and I will be at the hospital so much I do not want Jorel to be neglected in any way. We don't need a lot....just a few simple easy meals that Jorel can get for himself. His surgery is minor and it won't be too long before he is back in action.

Some of you have asked if it is okay to let others know....yes it is with the caveat that my mother not be told just yet (that means that if you pass this on it must be underlined!!) She is completing a fabulous 3 week trip back east with 3 girlfriends and will be home this Sat. the 1st. She will be informed then when she is not so far away.

Thanks for all your love and kindness!!

Cheryl

SHOCKING News

I thought last summer was a nightmare....as it turns out it was only a bad dream. On September 26th the real nightmare began...but we will wake up! 

First off I need to explain our summer. My husband Dave and I have known a young woman (who will go unnamed) since she was 11. We were her legal guardians when she was 13, 14 and 15 and have done our best over the years to be a positive influence in her very tragic life. She is now a 24 year old single mother of a 3 year old whom we have loved and cared for as if he were a blood Grandson. We adore this boy and would do anything for him! Because of this boy we took her in on July 1st. What we didn't know is that she is a heroin addict and the missing $ from our wallets along with the credit card fraud was her doing. In late Aug. we discovered that she stolen and pawned thousands of dollars worth of my jewelry during the summer. On August 31st we confronted her, called the police and kicked her out. We were instrumental in getting our grandson out of her dangerous life and he is currently living with his birth father. We thought we were going to get our lives back...


Fast forward to Monday, September 26th

I was in Winthrop that rainy on Day 2 of a 4 day retreat with my artist buddies. Verizon was down in the area and I had turned my phone off. About 3:30 I clicked on Facebook and saw this posting from a friend:

"Now I know why Beau suddenly jumped straight up while asleep on my arm this morning at 6 am. Apparently a house blew up about 1/2 mile away - gas explosion. He heard it but I didn't."

I sarcastically commented to my friends that my house was about a half mile from his. Seeing a message I clicked on it and this is what I read: 

• Call me ASAP.....EMERGENCY....
  Call me ASAP .....

Talk about feeling terror! My mind took a leap that it was MY HOUSE that had blown up! I have seen it happen on film but my entire body was shaking while I tried to call someone at home. After several mis-dials I finally reached my sister and while I was relieved to know that my house along with my husband, son and dog had not gone up in a natural gas fireball, the grim news that my husband had suffered a stroke early that morning added a new dimension of shock.

I could not have been with better people upon receiving this news. Liana Bennett immediately offered to drive me the 4 + hours back to Seattle and the others, Pepper Peterson, Patty Forte Linna and Joanne Shellan all were game to go along or do whatever it took to get me safely to my husband's side.

As it turned out Liana and Pepper took me to Marblemount where my brother-in-law met us and took me the remainder of the way. Arriving around 9pm I met a surreal group of family gathered around my husband at NW Hospital in north Seattle. Those of you who have experienced something similar....it takes a special attitude to face this kind of tragedy with fortitude. I can't say I was successful but I think I did okay.

 

Jan Endsley ~ The Crazy Quail Lady

I love it when people have passion…when something drives them with fierce devotion. Jan is one of these people and her passion is not ordinary: QUAILS!

She has dedicated her life to these birds (and other fowl) and single-handedly operates Covey Run Game Farm in Eatonville WA. I visited Jan in July and before painting her FACE we toured her little slice of heaven that is tucked up at the foot of Mt Rainier. Besides a plethora of quail she has chickens, hens, pheasant and even a peacock. 2 dogs, a cat and a horse round out her menagerie.

There may be surplus of birds but the quail rule the roost where Jan hand raises chicks and special ones live in the house, share ice cream and go camping with her. Her home is adorned with bird and especially quail art and paraphernalia. In 2003 Jan penned a charming book of vignettes told from a quail’s perspective titled “Diary of a California Valley Quail”.  

Louis is “King Quail” in her poultry domain and Jan commissioned me to paint a portrait of Mr. Louis to immortalize his unique personage. In fact it was Louis that was responsible for us meeting. He was the live model for wildlife sculptor Rip Caswell in Edmonds at Cole Gallery one Saturday in June. I was surprised to find he didn’t have a feather on his head, what we all come to equate with quail, and learned that Louis is a Bobwhite quail. An entire world beyond my awareness unfolded that day!

When Jan posed for her FACE portrait this week we had Louis sit on her lap. All was cool for the first shots and then I watched as he geared himself up for a flap to freedom. I loved the way this last shot turned out when Louis launched himself off Jan's lap. Not to worry....Jan scooped him up in no time!

Choochokum Arts Festival

Henry Stinson and his fresh-off-the-easel portrait of me

I did my very first arts festival last weekend and had a blast! Langley is a charming village perched up high over Puget Sound on south Whidbey Island and the weekend was spectacular! A friend invited me to join a group of artists called Langley Artists Connect who were painting from life and I thought it would be a great experience to paint my FACEs here. I was not disappointed! On Saturday morning I set my easel up with purpose next to Henry Stinson who is Nationally known as a painter and instructor. I wanted to soak up what I could from a seasoned professional and I even sat for my own portrait by Henry first thing Sunday morning.

Painting portraits in this kind of setting is a crash course of intensity and how to paint under pressure. I spent about an hour on each portrait which is way less time that I typically spend, forcing me to look closely and paint what is important to that person right from the get go. I loved each and every person but I did have a couple of favorites! Connie was visiting from California and was my first customer and her sunny personality was a beam of joy for me. Two days later she was cracking crab on the deck of the friends she was visiting and I snapped the pose seen below.

"The Chronic Crab Cracker"

Near the end of the festival I met a young college grad named Katie who volunteered for a character I was inspired to create. I had been eyeing the "Honey Buckets" placed at the far end of the bank parking lot we were painting in and wanted to utilize the chance to photograph a FACE coming out of one of them. In my quest to chronicle everyday common situations it just doesn't get more common than that!

Katie told me her parent’s home was just a block away and within a closet hung a prom dress from 4 years back just itching to be donned for our purpose.
Seize the Moment I say!! So we did!
Katie posed ….I painted….we laughed….and I followed to her house where she transformed herself into Cinderella....or more appropriately..."The Portable Prom Date".
Her dad came along with us on our outlandish mission to the nearest Honey Bucket.

I hope he knows I am in full ownership of all my marbles….even if I have misplaced one or two temporarily!!

 

 

"The Portable Prom Date"  

Katie and I at the end of the festival

The Shotgun Anniversary

Few people embody the true spirit of individualism and diversity like this unlikely couple. One comes from Florida, the other from the Pacific NW…their ages, background and races are completely opposite but the sincere devotion they share is without equal!

These two are fabulous people with sincere and warm hearts. Ruby is FLAMBOYANT and loves to wrap her head in brightly colored fabrics, armor her wrists with layers of bracelets and drape enough necklaces for 10 ladies around her neck. She says that quite often strangers will ask her what African country she is from. With a light-hearted chuckle she chooses to get a kick out of this response rather than take offense!

Seen from behind, Lowell’s long gray hair reveals dread locks and the full beard in front along with the festive hats he likes to wear often give people the idea he is caught in a 1960’s time warp. Again….they laugh about the response the pair of them inspire! I get the biggest kick out of seeing them drive up in their sporty little convertible, top down and the back seat commandeered by their 100+ lb. black German Shepherd. What a sight!

This summer Ruby and Lowell will celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary. Several times through out the history of their love affair they have posed for those old time saloon scenes of bygone days. So to commemorate their special milestone they came to me wanting to keep the tradition alive but with a twist. You can see the result! 

The Guitar Hero Graduate

Family and achievers are the theme this month or so it seems. Brandon is my nephew who has been living with us temporarily while he gets started in his career in the city after graduating college a year ago. I came up with his character because it is a subject often discussed among parents how boys are so different than girls and video games are the favorite culprit. Many times boys pursue these games with fervor and obsession, in some cases to the detriment of their academic pursuits.  With Brandon the truth wasn’t so simple. He graduated valedictorian of his high school class of 6 but proved that he had the chops at university by making the dean’s list all but one quarter of his college career. After getting his degree last spring he did what so many other young graduates are struggling with in this tough economic climate ~ he landed a job! Yet he can still play those games like a pro…. 

The Type "A" Angler

John is my big brother and we are the first born in a family of 5. We were each other’s best friend from the get go and remain close today. Coming from a family of high achievers and extremely competitive athletes made for some very interesting family dynamics! My siblings and I tease John with the nickname “Golden Boy” sarcastically delivered with affection and pride. From a very young age he applied himself to his studies and career with a single-minded purpose that paid off with an early retirement that now allows him to pursue his chief passions: fly fishing and golf. I often assure my “victims” that the characters I choose for them are not meant as definitions of who they are. Usually there is some element of them the photo but it is meant tongue-in-cheek. With John’s personae, it is entirely TRUE! 

Oops! Forgot these pics

 

These are the two portraits that go along with my last post